COUNTRY HUMOR
Another day older
By Mitch Jayne

Getting old is no joke, but because we are all doing it at the same rate, it's at least something we all have in common. George Burns said, "You know you're old when you bend over to tie your shoe laces and you say to yourself, ŒWhat else can I do while I'm down here?'"

George, who lived to be 100, always believed that age, like height, had nothing to do with what went on inside a person's mind. When he had to have triple bypass surgery in his 80s, George told people he really didn't want one but got such a good deal on it he couldn't turn it down.

I grew up in a small town and was always fascinated with old people. They always had time for a kid and would answer questions your parents couldn't, such as "What are thunderbolts made of?" and "Where does dirt come from?" I never really wanted to know these things; I just wanted answers, and I knew that old people would take the time, even if their answers were made up.

"I have a thunderbolt out in my shop," an old neighbor told me, "but it will cost you a nickel to see it." He went on to tell me "all the best fish gigs are made of thunderbolts."

I grew up knowing that old people, while they might stretch the truth, would at least talk to a child and share stories. Some of them would even share wisdom like my Dad's older brother who told me where dirt came from. He said it was the stuff left over from God making mistakes the first time he created stuff, such as dinosaurs, fools and politicians.

It was also Uncle Frank who said, "Don't judge old people by the ones who talk to hear their heads rattle. They probably did that when they were young, too."

There is a great story about two old fellows in a care center that reminded me of the way Uncle Frank looked at age. One man was from Missouri and the other was a talkative, old geezer from Chicago. One day the Chicago man rattled on about how young the nurses told him he looked.

"I'll bet you could never guess how old I am," he said.

The Missouri man said, "If you'll drop your pants, I guarantee to tell you how old you are to the day, month and year."

Curious, the Chicago man let his britches down to his ankles right in front of all the other senior citizens in the day room. The Missourian barely glanced at his wrinkled old flanks.

"You will be 88 on the 25th of June this year," he stated.

The old fellow from Chicago was flabbergasted. "How in the world could you possibly know that?" he asked.

"Because you told me yesterday at breakfast, you old fool."

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