How did the world function for millions of years before we had computers?

Thanks to the generosity of an editor I sometimes work for, I have a new computer. It's bigger, faster and has more bells and whistles than the old computer I was using. In fact, my new computer has a whole bunch of stuff that I don't even know what it's for yet.

But it does everything I ask it to, plus some things I don't want it to do. For example, I took some closeout data from a friend of mine who finishes cattle and dumped it into my computer.

The machine whirred and buzzed and strained awhile, then started spitting out valuable comparisons. One conclusion the computer drew was there is little correlation between the color of a steer's nose hair and his profitability. That may not be high on the "need-to-know" list, but if you've been buying feeder cattle on the basis of nose-hair color, you may want to switch to other criteria.

Al Decker, UMC livestock specialist at Butler, Mo., puts his computer to similar tasks, apparently. Last spring, Decker came up with some "gas trivia" that is mildly interesting.

Let's say you paid an average $1.50 for gasoline this year. You own a four-wheel-drive pickup that gets an average 12 miles per gallon, and you drive the truck 15,000 miles per year. Let's also say that you own a herd of 50 cows and cull 15 percent of them annually--or 7.5 cows per year. How many 1,100-pound cull cows--sold at $37 per hundredweight--will it take to fuel your pickup?

Here's the way Al Decker's computer figures it:

Cost of gasoline: $1,875.00

Price per cow: $ 407.00

On this basis, it would take the income from nearly five cull cows to keep gas in your truck.

Aren't computers wonderful? I may put mine to work on even more weighty matters. For instance, if I were alone in the woods and said something and my wife wasn't there to hear it, would I still be wrong?