MFA Incorporated
MORE COUNTRY HUMOR
Advertisin' Zeke's cold remedy
By Mitch Jayne

Blair's Creek is frozen now and inhospitable. Still, I decided to pay my midwinter visit to Zeke and Perletta Dooley who know how to den-up better than any people I know. Zeke has had worlds of time to think about life, being 101 years old this month.

ZEKE: Get in here! Perletta and me is so starved fer company we'd caucus with a revenue man.

PERLETTA: We ain't caught no comp'ny fer so long I was fixin' to put out bait.

MITCH: That hickory wood smoke from the chimney was bait enough for me.

ZEKE: Oh, me and Perletta allus use hickory wood when we've got enough. I only made four runs of cold remedy this fall, so we've got a plenty left.

MITCH: Only four runs? What happened to your market, Zeke?

ZEKE: Oh, they ain't no lack of market. People allus has colds, and folks is allus lookin' for a remedy fer what ails 'em, like politics and sich.

PERLETTA: Own up to it 'Zeke'l. We ain't as young as we used to be. Splittin' cook wood and rollin' mash barrels is hard work fer old folks.

ZEKE: Age ain't got a blessed thang to do with it. Hit's the advertisin' market that's give out.

MITCH: Advertising, Zeke? I didn't know you advertised your remedy.

PERLETTA: He don't mean norating it on the radio or tackin' up dodgers, he's a' talking about word of mouth. Used to be, everybody knowed when 'Zeke'l made a run.

ZEKE: Hit's a breakdown in these here communications. Used to be ever body knowed when the moon was right and the signs was right for turnin' out a batch of remedy.

MITCH: The old ways are passing, Zeke.

PERLETTA: Nowadays young people don't pay no mind to tradition. They buy their clothes ready-made any more.

ZEKE: Don't hardly wear no clothes, comes to that. But let me ast you somethin'. Think maybe I'd ort to advertise on one of these computers? On this here intercourse outfit?

MITCH: That's Internet, Zeke! And I don't think so. You don't have a phone, much less a computer. Besides, they don't sell moonshine on the Internet.

ZEKE: This ain't moonshine! Hit's cold remedy, beneficial to man or beast, oraganically growed and distilled.

PERLETTA: 'Zeke'l talks like doctors ort to give ye a subscription fer it.

ZEKE: Well now, that ain't a bad idee. I've poured some down folks that was give up fer dead, and they sprung up ready to fight a circle saw.

MITCH: Zeke, I have to guess most of your customers are gone now. Young folks buy from stores.

ZEKE: Well now, I noticed there ain't many customers my age.

PERLETTA: Ezekial, folks yer age is mostly deader'n fried mules.

ZEKE: I'm a livin' recommendation fer my product. Pass that jug, sonny boy.

MITCH: Well, let me test it first.

ZEKE: See there? The market just went up two points.

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 FEBRUARY 2001
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