Nagging wives have always had a place in history. From Shakespeare to Rip Van Winkle, a shrew, a nag or a scold, as these women were called, were guilty of what a woman writer in the 1800s described as "endlessly repeating unpalatable truths."

Women like that in the Ozarks used to be known as "froward," which added contrary to the nagging part. "That is the most froward woman I ever seen," said a barber, talking about his mother-in-law. "If she was to drown at Akers, she'd float to Montauk." That's several miles upstream on the Current River.

I thought I had heard all of the nagging wife and long-suffering husband stories in my part of the Ozarks until last week when this one surfaced.

An old farmer in Shannon County had a wife who combined all of the qualities of shrew, nag and scold. After 30 years of marriage, he found that the best way to avoid listening to her complain about his shortcomings as a husband was to go out and plow with the mule. The wife hated the mule's bray and thought it was smelly. The mule laid its ears back at just the sound of her voice Ð the feeling was mutual.

But as luck would have it, one day the old man took off to plow before his wife had finished with her nagging, and she followed him out to the field to add a couple of zingers to her tirade.

The mule, offended by her screechy voice, began thrashing about in the harness. When she came up behind him to stop the plowing and yell in her old man's face, the mule lashed out and kicked her in the back of the head. That shut down her works for good.

The visitation was held on Saturday evening, with the wife laid out in state. It was well attended by neighbors who knew the woman well. After it was over and everyone had viewed the body, the funeral director took the husband aside.

"Now Tom," he said, "maybe this ain't a bit my business, but you know how many of these viewings I've set through, and my curiosity has got the better of me. Of all them people who come to shake your hand and whisper condolences, I noticed that you always nodded 'yes' to the womenfolk and shook your head 'no' to the men. I just have to ask you, what did those people say to you that it was always 'yes' to women but 'no' to men?"

Tom thought about that a while and looked around to make sure no one else was listening.

"Well," he said, "t' wasn't much. The women all asked 'Don't she look peaceful?' And the men all wanted to know if that mule was fer sale." n