Caution: Anyone reading this column should not expect to learn the solutions to agriculture's problems, how to boost commodity prices, or why politicians call it the "national economy" when we all know there isn't any such thing.

Why the warning label on this month's column? Well, it seems to be the thing to do nowadays with anything offered for public consumption.

For instance, I bought a new Weedeater this summer and the thing came with a big tag that read: "Warning: If the rotating cutting head of this machine comes in contact with your skin, it will cut you." Duh! I bought the thing to cut stuff but my skin was not what I had in mind.

The bleach my wife keeps in the utility room has a big warning label on the side of the bottle: "Caution: harmful or fatal if swallowed." Now, why--or even how--anybody would swallow chlorine bleach is beyond me, but they have been warned.

So, in keeping with the times, I thought we should put a warning at the head of this column. Not that I believe these meanderings are harmful to life or limb (except possibly to my own), but I want to stay up-to-date.

Those warning labels we see on everything from pesticides to pork rinds seem to be a bit redundant. It seems to be flying in the face of minimum common sense to have to caution people not to use an electric curling iron in the shower. At the same time, there aren't many warning labels in some places where we really need them. For example:

On a commodity brokerage office door. "Notice: Regular use of this service may leave you feeling broker."

On an ag economist's desk. "Caution: You may not understand what you thought you heard me imply from the rhetorical response I made to your hypothetical query."

On an animal rightist's auto bumper. "Warning: I brake for all creatures great and small, but will not downshift for simple logic."

On your loan officer's lapel. "Notice: We lend umbrellas on sunny days, then recall them when it starts to rain."

In small print on political ads. "Caution: Three out of four voters approve of my version of the Farm Bill, which may indicate that we have a more severe education problem than any of us suspected."

You may not see these cautions published for awhile. But when you buy your next hay baler, don't be surprised to see it come with a warning sign reading: "Do not allow persons or pets to climb into this machine while it is operating."