Awhile back, a national study of market cow quality reported that too many cull cows have quality defects. Duh! Cowmen are now warned that they are culling too many cows that need culling.

The report lists a number of quality shortcomings in cows coming to market: poor muscling, too much carcass fat, carcass blemishes due to injuries and age. The report doesn't say so in as many words, but the implication is clear: We need to improve the quality of the cows we cull.

I'm acquainted with a good many cowmen, and I don't know many who voluntarily send to town thrifty, productive mama cows. Most of those old gummers that go on the truck need culling. Maybe one gets the gate now and then because of a personality disorder, but I always thought we had a bigger problem because too many cattlemen were keeping too many cows in the herd that should be sold. Now, it seems, the beef market is suffering because too many low-quality cows are being culled.

The report also makes the point that cull cows (or market cows, as the report calls them) with quality defects do not bring as much money on the market. This observation doesn't require the mental gymnastics of brain surgery and, on the surface, it's a bit hard to argue with. Beef producers would earn more money on cull...er, market cows if they sold better quality. On the other hand, those better quality cows are probably worth more if kept in the herd.

Maybe what we need are optional uses for cows that have outlived their usefulness in the herd. Here are a few alternatives, some of which may need further study:

1. A limited market might be developed for smaller-framed cows as features in petting zoos;
2. Train them as "guard cows" to protect banks, construction sites and sheep flocks. With some of the more aggressive old hides, only a short course of training might be needed;
3. Sell them to Hindus with really big lawns;
4. Rent cows out to gardeners as automatic, self-propelled fertilizer spreaders.

As I said, some of these ideas may need work. But maybe we can develop a lucrative alternative market for cull cows. Then cowmen would have more incentive to cull one-eyed, arthritic oldsters from the herd and the level of quality in the beef industry would improve dramatically.