Several years ago, when my father began to lose his hearing, the family was concerned. But as we observed his hearing problem more closely, we started to suspect his hearing impairment was more selective than truly serious. Our suspicions were confirmed one day when a neighbor stopped by Dad's place.

Bob was a notoriously poor driver; he didn't own a single piece of rolling stock with undamaged sheet metal. As Bob drove his dinged and dented pickup into the driveway, Dad went out to meet him.

Those of us in the house couldn't hear what was being said, but it seemed that Bob talked louder and became more agitated as the conversation went on. Finally, Bob made a bad-tempered clatter of getting his pickup into gear and drove off. Dad came back into the house.

"What did Bob want?" I asked.

"He wanted to borrow my truck," Dad said.

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I didn't hear him."

Now, I seem to have reached the age where my hearing is not what it used to be, and my own near and dear are beginning to notice. It's not so much that I fail to hear what's being said; I often hear things that aren't said. Take the other evening at a restaurant when the waiter asked if I'd like extra trees on my pizza.

"You put trees on pizza?"

"Cheese!" my wife said, in a stage whisper that could probably be heard in the street. "He asked if you want extra cheese on your pizza."

My wife often interprets things for me these days. In fact, it's a technique she developed even before my hearing went faulty.

In some ways, this minor auditory affliction is amusing. I never know what anyone is going to say, or what they have said, much of the time. For example, I was at the auction barn the other day when they ran in a group of mottle-colored calves.

"Those calves look like stork crossbreds," said the guy sitting beside me.

I didn't even ask him for a repeat. Instead, I let my imagination conjure up scenes of long-legged birds mating with brown cows. I still don't know what kind of crossbred calves my bleachers companion thought they were.

Most of the time it's more entertaining to take what I hear at face value. Hearing things that aren't said can have a way of pepping up even a dull conversation.

Still, I probably should have an ENT specialist probe into my hearing. At any rate, my wife thinks so.

"Don't you think we should go to have your hearing checked?" she said the other evening.

At least, I think that's what she said.